One Year Milestone:
Last year at this time I was being wheeled back into the operating room to have 80% of my stomach removed. I was terrified of the journey I was about to embark on but excited for a second chance to better my health. It's been a life changing year for me. I've had great success with my gastric bypass with little to no complications. I've changed so much physically and learned so much along the way.
Changes:
Throughout my journey I have become more open about my surgery, originally I didn't want anyone to know. Now I am pretty open as long as people aren't rude about it. I feel like I can and want to help others who may be considering weight loss surgery. I want to give people the truth about gastric bypass. The good, the bad and everything in between. I am lucky to have found some great support groups and met some really amazing people who've helped me along the way.
Knowledge is Power:
I was terrified by some of the things I read pre op. Which actually was a good thing. It was good for me because so many people jump into this surgery without truly understanding all the dedication, commitment, sacrifice and risk that are involved. I wanted to know all the good and bad things to look for. Being a gastric bypass patient you NEED to be your own advocate, for the rest of your life. You cannot walk into this surgery blindly and expect success. Hell, even with all the knowledge and research in the world success is difficult.
The Struggle is Never Over:
The biggest struggle and concept to understand is that this surgery changes your stomach but it does NOT change your mind. My best friend recently told me how proud of me she is. When I told her that I'm scared I'll gain the weight back she said "No, you wouldn't let that happen". I don't think she really understands like most people the true struggle of a food addict.
If you are a food addict, a compulsive eater, an over eater, an emotional eater or a binge eater, you will STILL be one even after surgery. I was a food addict. I have lost 112lbs, I have a stomach the size of a kiwi and I am STILL a food addict. Everyday is a battle of choices. Choosing to eat protein (which sustains me), choosing to stay away from carbs or choosing not to eat chips, popcorn or a turkey sub is a constant battle. I love chicken wings, french fries, pizza and pasta probably more than the next girl. Even while knowing that those things could physically make me sick or gain back my weight I am still tempted and sometimes do cave in and eat them.
Reality:
Before surgery you have to pass a psychological exam along several test to check your lungs and heart to make sure you're healthy enough to have surgery. After surgery however, there is no psychological exam. There is no follow up to make sure you are handling the life changing self image issues productively. The doctors may warn you that you can get depressed after surgery due to the change in your hormones etc.
They didn't tell me that even after losing 112lbs I would still see the same 263lb girl in the mirror. They didn't tell me that I would criticize every little jiggly part of my body. They don't prepare you for all the compliments you will receive and the way your sick twisted mind is going to turn them into something negative. Or that the new politeness from strangers and co workers who didn't pay you any attention before will just anger you. And the desire to burn every picture from your past to hide the person you used to be will cross your mind.
They didn't tell me that this journey was harder mentally than physically.
Don't get me wrong, I have a list just as long of things I am grateful for that without this surgery I wouldn't have or be able to do. I made my list of reasons why I needed WLS before I ever had surgery. I can happily say that I have been able to cross off most of my list within just one year. There are pros and cons to everything in life. For me the quality of life, my health, energy, confidence, freedom and happiness were worth more than the risks associated with weight loss surgery.
I feel the need to share my struggles just as much as my triumphs. My weight loss journey wasn't easy. The decision to have surgery wasn't easy. The surgery and recovery weren't easy. The new life style and mental changes that came with the physical changes are not easy. Not everything in life is easy. But it's worth it.
Questions:
Do I have any regrets? Maybe one. Not having surgery sooner and wasting too much of my life merely existing.
Advice? Do your own research. Question everything, even the doctors. Be prepared for the mental struggle after surgery. Be prepared to explain yourself to inquiring minds or have some kind of explanation on how you lost your weight. Because people will ask. Don't be ashamed. Take pride in the fact you made a decision to save your life. Follow your doctors and nutritionist plan. Stick to the rules and remember why you had this surgery.
Most importantly, don't EVER forget where you started. It will always push you to go further.
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| Exactly one year apart |
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| Exactly one year apart. |
